Inside Out
by Hotaru Imai
Summary: Everyone thought she was happy, bubbly, and had no problems. But they were wrong, she carried a burden that only few handle, could describe, could bare. No one knew the truth, and it was to stay that way, but it's like they said, 'Happiness is just an illusion for Darkness to destroy'
1. Chapter 1

Inside Out

Chapter 1

Burning Sensation

The sun peered through the silk pink curtains of the no-star bedroom belonging to our protagonist Mikan Sakura. It was 7:00 Monday morning. Mikan was already awake. She stared at the ceiling like it was an answer to a math problem. She hated Mondays, scratch that she hated every morning.

From the corner of her eyes she saw the clock turn from 7:00 to 7:01, it started.

Her body started to shake. Her blood felt like it was boiling from the inside out. Her spine felt like it had shattered into millions of pieces. Her head felt like it could explode any minute. She wanted nothing more than to scream and yell for somebody to help, but to her demise her voice didn't work. Her skin had bubbles on it like she was some frog going through some mutation.

She flailed around like she was having a seizure. She looked like she was something that crawled out from hell. Even though her body was telling her to put it out of its misery, she crawled out of bed and made her way to the bathroom. She turned the nob, her muscles were weak and she just wanted to disappear and never return.

Her vision was getting blurry, colors mixed with others making odd shapes and even odder colors. To her it was what a drunk person saw. She used all the power she could muster and turned on the faucet.

Her skin was turning a green color, as if she was a lizard. She slipped into the tub filled with hot water with her night gown still on. She didn't know if she was crying because of all the sweat that was on her face. The hot water felt good against her cold skin, she wanted to stay like this forever but that would not be possible.

She reached forward, and with even more strength that she could find, shut off the water.

Mikan literally crawled out of the tub and to her closet which was at the other end of her room. When she was partly there something hit her, hard. The skin on her back was threatening to break from the impact that was caused by having it inside her.

The world was spinning but she held her ground. Shockingly she managed to stand on her feet. She stumbled over to her closet. Within a few seconds she came out wearing the school uniform, fortunately she put it on right.

She wobbled to her mirror and drawers. When she was within reach she grabbed one of the drawers and dragged herself to her feet again. Mikan stumbled with pulling out the drawers but somehow managed to do it needless.

Her shaking hands pulled out a blue pill bottom case. With shaking hands she popped open the lid and took 5 pills, not even needing water. Her body started to calm down after 2 minutes. Her skin when back to normal and the bubbling stopped.

She sighed of relief, as she slumped down on the floor from exhaustion. She just stared at the ceiling then shifted onto her side her side and looked to her clock. It read 7:59. She sighed as she slowly made her way to her feet and to the dresser. The effect of this morning still linger in her bones. Even though she took the pills, it didn't work for her headache and it was getting worse by the second.

She looked at herself in the mirror before the mirror cracked. She sighed again as she made her way to the door. As she took the handle pain shot through her body again. She was hungry, so, so hungry, but she sucked it up and made her way down the halls with her normal bright smile.


	2. Chapter 2

_**I am changing the story, a lot. So for the people who where reading this before I change it sorry! Forgive me! ^^**_

Even before Mikan made it to the door that lead to class, she heard it. The obnoxious laugh. Well to her anyway. She stood outside the slightly faded brown door and contemplated going inside. She knew what she would see when she went inside anyway.

Letting out a silent sigh, she pushed open the door and went inside.

In the back row of the class sat her friend and _her_. Seiko Oohinata, _My replacement_, Mikan thought darkly.

Now she had no problem with Oohinata-san, she was nice? No, tolerable? Yes, she was tolerable. To put it simply she had the attitude of a bull on crack. She was rude, disrespectful and not to mention she was very, very much in love with Natsume.

Now she had no problem with that, she could keep him, but when it is constantly rubbed into your face that she was better than you, it got annoying real fast. _Real fast._

Walking to her seat, which had been switched to the right and in the back, away from her friends, at least she was next to the window, she watched as Seiko laughed at something Koko had said, putting her hands in front of her mouth, _like a proper lady_.

Mikan scoffed at the thought. Looking outside was way preferable to looking at her _friends_. Folding her hands down and resting her head in them, she was content to stare at the falling blossoms.

As the blossoms fell she thought about how all this started.

Seiko had been introduced one early morning 6 months ago. She had tried to be friends with her for weeks but was always put down and ridiculed.

Then one morning she had come to class and found Seiko sneaking glances at Natsume, blush apparent. Deciding not to say anything she watched and apparently Anna and Nonoko had too because they came bounding over to her, squealing like there was no tomorrow once the day was over.

Seiko was in the dangerous ability class and had crush on Natsume. By the way it looked he wasn't exactly puking at the idea of them together. Great.

For some reason the both of them didn't get along. But when the boy that was pinning after you has slightly switched tactics to another person, and having it rubbed in your face almost every day, well no surprise there.

As time when by and the group got to know Seiko better Mikan was pushed to the side. _Funny how easily I was replaced_ Mikan thought, letting out a sad sigh. To make thing even worse, because the gods _must_ have been bored and decided to F with her life, the pain started.

At first it was a few cramps, small stinging, and abdominal pain that were been put easily to back of the mind. But as the days drew on the pain got worse. She had went to ask Hotaru for some help but she had overheard _Little Miss Proper's_ sob story, and boom! She was out of the picture completely.

Everyone was all over that little sob story of hers and the fact that she had an older sister that she was separated from her. Boo hoo. _Wow_ Mikan thought, surprised at the bitterns in her voice. Seiko had everyone wrapped around that little chubby finger of hers, even the cold and heartless, money loving blackmailer that she called her best friend.

But what pissed her off the most was that Hotaru, _her_ best friend had allowed _Seiko_ to _hug_ her whenever Seiko wanted.

Something was off with that picture.

_How come that bit_-

Her thought where cut off when she felt a stinging pain shoot through her body, starting from her feet and going up. So surprised by the onslaught of pain that Mikan almost let out a scream, put managed to clamp it down. With her hands over her mouth Mikan rested her forehead against the desk, gritting her teeth to keep from screaming.

Feeling something in her mouth, she swallowed it back down. A shudder racking her body as she tasted blood that had come up, painfully swallowing the rest of it back down.

Sucking in a breath, wincing as it passed through her dry esophagus and into her lungs that felt like they were a dry desert. Saliva formed in her mouth, swallowing, feeling better as the dry taste left her mouth somewhat.

Something was wrong, very wrong.

"Sakura-san, are you alright?" Ruka was looking at me with concerned blue eyes, when did he get here? Picking herself up slightly, so that he didn't see the small drops of blood that had escaped he mouth, she swallowed one more time and gave him her best smile before answering. "How many times do I have to tell you to call me Mikan Ruka-pyon, and I'm fine."

Ruka gave her a small smile in return, though the concerned look in her eyes increased, along with a look that she couldn't describe.

Mikan let out a quiet whimper as she felt a bone in her back shift, but it wasn't quiet enough as Ruka was by her side again looking worried, and a little afraid. Giving a reassuring smile Mikan grounded out through gritted teeth "I'm fine, don't worry just a little headache".

Ruka wasn't convinced, not one bit. He went to say something but Jino-sensei choose that moment to walk into class.

"Take your seats!" he barked. Ruka looked back at Mikan to see her giving him a look. Understanding flashed across his face, he was reluctant to go but one smile from Mikan and he reluctantly returned to his seat.

Mikan sighed in relief as she was left to herself. She gave a quick glance towards Ruka and felt a slight sting. What was that about? Now that she had time to think it was becoming clear to her.

Whenever she was in a 5 foot radios of her friends the pain got worse, almost blinding. That was why she didn't mind them not being around her, it gave her more of an opportunity to figure out what was going on.

"Mrs. Sakura get up here and solve this problem since you want to space out in my class" Jino-sensei ordered, making he heard hurt even more for his loud voice.

Walking up to the board Mikan automatically grabbed the marker and wrote the first thing that came to her mind. Dropping the pen Mikan staggered back to her seat, dropping down very unladylike.

Felling the signs of a headache starting, she put her head back down on the desk trying to fall asleep, but fate had other plans. "Ms. Sakura detention!" Jino's voice rung through the unusually quiet room. Mikan glance up at Jino the to the board and groaned.

Instead of writing the answer she wrote, in caps _'Shut Up!' _Once the shock passed the class burst into laughter.

"Alright, that enough" Jin-jin turned to me and raised his wand, ready to shock me but the bell rung. _Huh saved by the bell_ Mikan thought sighing in relief, slumping in her seat,_ 3 more classes to go, yay! _

Mikan sighed when she felt Ruka giving a concerned look.

_This was going to be a long day._

~X~X~

"Why don't you want to come with us?" asked a curious Anna. "Well I um, I have business to attended to" She wasn't lying but she wasn't telling the truth either. Everyone eyed her, like they knew she was lying.

"Alright" Ruka started "I'll buy you some fluff puffs"

"Thanks Ruka, your so sweet" Mikan got up and kissed Ruka on the cheek causing him to blush.

Not once did they ever look back as they chatted happily with each other.

If anyone had looked back to her they would have seen the shadows that hung over her eyes.

If anyone one had looked back when she walked away they woulds have seen that her nails where digging into her palms, almost to the point of bleeding.

If anyone had paid attention they would have seen the crazed hunger that entered her eyes.

If anyone had paid attention they would have heard her mutter the words that changed everything.

"_I'm soo hungry"_

_**Reviews would be appreciated. **_


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